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Our body parts think for themselves - a poem -

Our eyes are always looking forwards, even if we're scared to think we should,
I certainly didn't will it to move, this body was happy where it stood,
Our mouths say things, we almost never mean,
I have lots of ideas, most are never meant to be seen,
Our hearts chase after people, who just couldn't care,
You know how it happens, I can see that you've been there,
Our hands grab at chances, and refuse to accept that they cannot reach the highest ridge,
Just like those cookies, mom placed atop the fridge,
Our stomach constantly aches, from the time we're born till we die,
Another little torture, until we reach the sky,
Our feet take us, mostly to places where we're lost,
But once you make a new home there, you'll find it was worth the cost,
All of our minds wander from time to time,
Perhaps someday they'll all find their place.

- From the Margin -
Not the first peom I've done, but the first I've submitted.

I think that maybe the arrangment of body parts is not in the most increasingly interesting order, but simply is a top to bottom of the body order...

Let me know what you think, thanks.
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:iconelessa-evy:
Elessa-Evy Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
It doesn't really have a steady rythm, which makes it a little too random, and hard to follow. Focus on different rythms, try them and post again;)
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks alot for your evaluation, I'm impressed with your depth of knowledge with poems. I'm really bad with using a steady rythm. The rhyming comes easy, so I just do it, its usually done with short easy words (blah) wish I could do better. I am making another right now, might post it tonight, but it has a story to it, and that's what will be special. Thanks very much for the advice, I'll see what I can do to follow it...don't know how well I'll execute it, so please give me whatever advice you have, thanks again!
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:iconelessa-evy:
Elessa-Evy Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahahaha! If you like my evaluation, you should check out *will33 --> I'm like his #1 critic;)
It's just that I write alot of poems myself. I've actually posted a few a while ago. (check em out if you like) Besides, we handeled (and are handeling) a lot of poems in Dutch literature-class, so that helps. But I'll try to give you another good evaluation on your next post, I promiss:glomp:
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks again!
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:iconelessa-evy:
Elessa-Evy Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
yw:)
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:iconelessa-evy:
Elessa-Evy Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahahaha! If you like my evaluation, you should check out *will33 --> I'm like his #1 critic;)
It's just that I write alot of poems myself. Actually posted a couple a while ago. We've been handeling poems in Dutch literature-class, so that helps. But I'll try to give you as much advice as possible, I promiss:glomp:
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:iconsuccubus-angel:
Succubus-Angel Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
I can definitely relate to this, and I love the rhythm! A poet AND an artist! You are so lucky ^_^
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much! I'm surprised by the positive response I've gotten from this poem, its something I put together at the dinner table, my wife made some reference to certain parts of my body thinking for themselves, and I thought about being cute and following along with every part of my body except the one she meant. (You're old enough to know which part.)
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:iconsuccubus-angel:
Succubus-Angel Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
LOL! You find inspiration in all the right places! (no pun intended, lol)

It's very well done, and I think that if you can think of things like this on a whim, you've got some excellent talent! :hug:

Perhaps your wife is your muse? ^O^
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hmmm, perhaps... Well she's been slacking off then. Just kidding. hah.
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:iconsuccubus-angel:
Succubus-Angel Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
^O^ Ah well, even a muse is entitled to a vacation every now and then...musing can be tiresome work! ^O^
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:iconhotarukurama:
hotarukurama Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2006
ohh i really like your poetic side, actually i've been doing some poetry myself and you and a few others have really inspired me to post it. perhaps i will soon ^^. love your poem tho, makes a lotta sense and such a good way to express it ^^.
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks so much again! I'm really inspired to post more poetry myself since I got a nice positive response to this. (Plus it takes a lot less time than painting...lol) I should post another poem tonight, based on a little story...I love the poems that tell a story best and have a twist at the end. Can't wait to see your poem, glad I could inspire!
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:iconhotarukurama:
hotarukurama Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006
^^ can't wait to see your new poem either, i'll be looking for it later on tonite :).
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:iconwarrior-of-ruin:
Warrior-of-Ruin Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
wow, i really like this poem its quite deep :). Well done, didnt know u were poetic :D
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Lol, yah, just a little side poetry, I used to write a poem every month for my girlfriend....then....I married her, couldn't keep it up forever, but I still write a few angsty ones for myself every once in a while. (Believe it or not she likes the angsty ones more than the sweet ones...dunno why.)
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:iconwarrior-of-ruin:
Warrior-of-Ruin Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
Aaaawwww so romantic XD :D and so cute!! Cool cool, lol aaawww thats kinda mean of her
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:iconxbuster:
xbuster Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2006  Student Digital Artist
O.o
That makes an interesting point.
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks....I'm not sure what the exact point was. But I was trying my hardest(no pun... really) to avoid the male anatomy....
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:iconchi-33:
chi-33 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2006
i like it...i think we all know about the heart line...the rest is good too ^^
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The heart line is only true for a short while. Once you've found your place again, the hurt goes away. Eventually we all find our place, and the hurt goes away. I've heard a interesting quote recently and I believe it applies to suicide as a way to end the pain more quickly, Let me see if I can recall it:

"Of course the game is rigged, but you can't win if you don't play."
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:iconchi-33:
chi-33 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006
well i see it as the pain will almost be there itll just get covered up once you find your place as you said. nice quote too...youve gotta play
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