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Fate keeps pushing me on,

I sometimes stop and ask, “Fate? What is the price for me to know what it is you see?”
And loathing her task, “Sacrifice existence, become as I am, and never be.”
“Fate? Hypothetic’ly, what would you give to be, oh say…me?”
“What a silly question, I would give anything to be free.”
And ev’ry day I ask her, “Once it’s all over, will I still remember?”
And ev’ry day she replies, “No, memory is but a glowing ember.”
And ev’ry day I ask, “Fate, if I don’t remember, then will you?”
And ev’ry day she will say, “Yes, I will…but I already knew.”

-From the Margin-
This is a redone version of an old poem I wrote almost 10 years ago...I'm 23 now...you do the math. The original was some 50 lines long and contained much of this poem only at the very end.

In adapting it from the original poem I had to make the title also work as the first line of the poem. The title really does an excellent job of replacing the other 42 or so lines in my opinion, much about fate writing my life as a story.

I have also since changed it now to reflect a proper poetic style, since in the last poem I submitted to DA the best critique I recieved was that I needed to match rhym and meter. I'm still learning what that means exactly. So in this redone version each line rhyms, in the original the first two lines would have been split into four and it would have ryhmed every other line. I think you can still see that in how "ask" and "task" ryhm. But anyway I wanted it all to match. Also I took great care to ensure the proper number of sylables matched from rhym to rhym, I couldn't make them all the same, but that's just how the poem goes.

This poem takes on myself as a character in one of my favorite literary ideas, a personification of "Fate." I believe I first started fantasizing about this concept when I read "Beethoven's Last Night", a story which accompanies a CD by the Transiberian Orchestra. (Which I will finally get to see in concert this year! WOOO!) I've since written a number of short poems about "her" and this so far has been my favorite. I hope you like it. Oh please oh please like it!!...ah begging won't work, and I want your critiques anyway. I guess I can't expect to be the best, the most I can ask for is that my work interests you, and thank you all for your time and appreciation.
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:iconelessa-evy:
Elessa-Evy Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
It's such a beautiful poem! I love it! I'm still havin a little trouble with the rythm, but the contents is very deep, it really hit me. Thumbs up :aww:
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks so much! Critique is wonderful!
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:iconelessa-evy:
Elessa-Evy Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahahaha I love you too :glomp:
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:iconchi-33:
chi-33 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2006
i like it lots! i love the the idea of personified fate and how she can write a persons life and stuff.good work ^_^
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I love that part too, personification is so fun!
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:iconchi-33:
chi-33 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006
it is! loads of fun ^_^ and inspirational too
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:iconlordxelos:
lordxelos Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006   Photographer
Very Good Poetry :)
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:iconhotarukurama:
hotarukurama Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006
wow that poem is amazing and it really reaches out O.O!! that seems much to be like what existance is actually like...like something like that is what would actually occur. but i LOVE this poem a lot sooo..*adds to faves*! yeay :).
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So glad you like it. I really enjoy giving characterization to intagable objects.
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:iconkawaiisato:
KawaiiSato Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2006
when i hear, read or see something really great or beautiful i get goose bumps. this is an awsome poem. yeah, i got goose bumps.
i don't believe in fate, but i can't help but like this. you did a great job!
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:iconfromthemargin:
fromthemargin Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is going on my favorite compliment's list!
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:iconkawaiisato:
KawaiiSato Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2006
:D
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November 17, 2006
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